All the inspiration I received in writing this post was from my pastor Rev. Danny Scotton.

Ephesians 6:10 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers of this dark world against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to STAND your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

#STAND

In this post I will be focusing on three parts. Relationship, Friendships, Darkness.

Relationship

After the passing of Ari I was filled with anger. I still have a great deal of anger, but I was angry with God in particular. I feel like as Christians we’re always taught not to “question” God and what he does. That is not true. I have learned in the past year, that the only way you will receive any kind of answer is if you ask a question. Whether it be talking to a significant other, a friend, mom, dad whomever, you need to ask. God knows we’re not perfect and he knows our hearts. You can’t fool him. So I got to a point when I asked him, why? Why did this happen, like where were you? If I didn’t understand the word SOVEREIGN in its entirety I do now. God is sovereign, he will do whatever he wants to do, and whenever he wants to. That’s a hard thing to swallow, even now. I stopped going to church. I literally could not go back to my home church. The memories, the pain, it was too hard to endure. It wasn’t until I went to prayer at the end of August to really want to go back. I stood up in front of some folks that was in my congregation and told them about my struggles. . A deacon told me personally not to put more weight on myself than I already have. He told me if all I could do was come to prayer then come to prayer. He expressed how he battled with coming to church himself sometimes. The spirit in the church had  shifted and people were sharing their grieving experiences and how they struggle, it was amazing. I feel like we as Christians are sometimes scared to admit when we’re having a hard time with praying, seeking God, coming to church. It’s ok, you’ll be surprise how many people feel just like you. As soon as I stood up, I expressed that I needed help, guidance, prayer, because I am no longer myself. That was extremely hard to do in front of Christians who are relatively older than me. I would go to sleep without praying, get up on Sunday morning get dressed and just couldn’t walk through the door. It was just painful to face the relationship I once had with God. But I prayed and prayed about it, and I’m still praying about it. Because after you’ve done all you can…..