This is for those who have lost loved ones; especially loved ones who have left this earth too soon. Also, this is for those of you who have lost somebody to careless acts such as drunk driving. Lastly, to the victims’ who have experienced the senselessness of police officers.

To the victims and their families of homicide, this is for you. This is the story of re-living a bad dream every day. The story of worlds getting turned upside down. The story of getting up and facing life everyday, trying to hold onto memories. The story of agony, pain, bereavement and grief.

This is 365 days of loss.

September 23, 2016: a day that I will never forget. On this day last year, my twin sister, Ariana was killed in a tragic car accident. She was literally five minutes away from our home when the driver, an off-duty police officer, hit a pole killing her instantly. That night, we were all supposed to be together. But after a long Thursday, I was trying to unwind and relax. I called her on the phone and asked her if she thought I should come and meet them out. Her response was, “If you want”. Those were the last words she said to me. The last image I have of her was in the mirror fixing her hair and checking herself out before leaving the house. Those images stay fresh in my mind.

I woke up at 2 a.m. and was relieved because I saw her purse sitting on her bed. Although she wasn’t in the bed, I just knew she was home. You see, Ari liked to watch tv in the living room downstairs when she got home. She never wanted to wake me. An hour had then passed.

I opened my eyes because I felt my mother’s touch, she was kneeling in front of me with the look of despair. I looked at the clock and it was 3 a.m. “Where is your sister?” she asked me. She explained that she had been calling my sister and there was no response. I immediately jumped up in a panic, my heart racing and my anxiety going through the roof. I thought, “Oh my God, she left her purse here, she wasn’t home an hour ago”. At this point I’m freaking out and I immediately thought the worst. I turned to my mom and asked, “If something bad happened were to happen we would know right?”. She had no reply, so again I asked “RIGHT”?

I always see in movies the police officers’ ringing the doorbell and telling the victim’s family the bad news. Boy was I wrong. I heard screaming coming from downstairs. My mom ran up the stairs saying that the news reported a car accident on Woodlawn, a street near our home. I called someone who is close to my heart, he was supposed to meet my sister out that night. I told him the news I just got and hoped that he had seen or talked to her. He explained to me on the phone that he hadn’t talked to her in hours.

After hanging up, I immediately dropped to my knees and prayed, prayed that the two of them were ok. I could not believe that this was reality for me. I heard car doors slam and the sound of my father pressing on the gas rapidly as he went to the scene. I was upstairs in my room looking out the window waiting impatiently to see them pull back up.

There was so many things running through my mind. I know people can relate to a movie they have seen when the family gets a knock at the door to open it and see a police officer on the other side. I was thinking to myself, “Ok that hasn’t happened yet so I didn’t want to believe that something had occurred. I just talked to her on the phone, she sounded fine, I just saw her 3 hours ago. I remembered what she had on if I had to identify her.” These were the thoughts popping up in my head. “Ok, there hasn’t been a knock on the door yet, thats how the movies go, she’s fine”. My brain slowed down and the light to my hallway turned on, I could hear slow footsteps coming up the stairs. It was my father. I asked, “Is she gone?” He nodded yes.

This wasn’t like the movies, there was no police officer at our door. My parents heard about their baby on the news. They went looking for her. They had to go to the scene. They had to see bright lights, white sheets, experience unimaginable chaos. No parent should have to go through that.

This starts 365 days of loss.